tags: atheism, religion, science, evolution, humor

A reader sent me this list of atheist-positive anecdotes that have been seen either on a bumper sticker or a t-shirt. Of course, they are accurate as well as hilarious. Which ones are your favorites?

Top Fifty Atheist T-Shirt and Bumper Sticker Aphorisms

1. 1. Abstinence Makes the Church Grow Fondlers
   2. Honk If Your Religious Beliefs Make You An Asshole
   3. Intelligent Design Makes My Monkey Cry
   4. Too Stupid to Understand Science? Try Religion.
   5. *There’s A REASON Why Atheists Don’t Fly Planes Into Buildings
   6. «Worship Me or I Will Torture You Forever. Have a Nice Day.»Â God.
   7. *God Doesn’t Kill People. People Who Believe in God Kill People.
   8. If There is No God, Then What Makes the Next Kleenex Pop Up?
   9. He’s Dead.
      It’s Been 2,000 years.
      He’s Not Coming Back.
      Get OVER It Already!
   10. *All religion is simply evolved out of fraud, fear, greed, imagination, and poetry. Edgar Allen Poe.
   11. Viva La Evolución!
   12. Actually, If You Look It Up, The Winter Solstice Is The Reason For The Season
   13. I Wouldn’t Trust Your God Even If He Did Exist
   14. Cheeses Is Lard. Argue With THAT If You Can.
   15. *People Who Don’t Want Their Beliefs Laughed at Shouldn’t Have Such Funny Beliefs
   16. Jesus is Coming? Don’t Swallow That.
   17. Threatening Children With Hell Is FUN!
   18. GOD – APPLY DIRECTLY TO FOREHEAD!
   19. Jesus Told Me Republicans SUCK
   20. *God + Whacky Tobacky = Platypus
   21. God Doesn’t Exist. So, I Guess That Means No One Loves You.
   22. When the Rapture Comes, We’ll Get Our Country Back!
   23. Q. How Do We Know the Holy Ghost Was Catholic?
       A. He Used the Rhythm Method Instead of a Condom.
   24. You Say «Heretic» Like It Was a BAD Thing
   25. I Love Christians. They Taste Like Chicken.
   26. *Science: It Works, Bitches.
   27. «Intelligent Design» Helping Stupid People Feel Smart Since 1987
   28. I Found God Between The Sheets
   29. I Gave Up Superstitious Mumbo Jumbo For Lent
   30. My Flying Monkey Can Beat Up Your Guardian Angel
   31. Every Time You Play With Yourself, God Kills a Kitten
   32. *If God Wanted People to Believe in Him, Then Why Did He Invent Logic?
   33. Praying Is Politically Correct Schizophrenia
   34. *ALL Americans Are African Americans
   35. *I Forget – Which Day Did God Make All The Fossils?
   36. I Was An Atheist Until The Hindus Convinced Me That I Was God
   37. The Spanish Inquisition: The Original Faith-based Initiative
   38. *If we were made in his image, when why aren’t humans invisible too?
   39. *JESUS SAVES….You From Thinking For Yourself
   40. *How Can You Disbelieve in Evolution If You Can’t Even Define It?
   41. *Q. How Can You Tell That Your God is Man-made?
       A. If He Hates All the Same People You Do.
   42. Every Time You See a Rainbow, God is Having Gay Sex
   43. I Went to Public School in Kansas and All I Got Was This Lousy T-shirt and a Poor Understanding of the Scientific Method.
   44. WWJD = We Won. Jesus Died.
   45. The Family That Prays Together is Brainwashing the Children
   46. Oh, Look, Honey Another Pro-lifer For War
   47. *Another Godless Atheist for Peace and World Harmony
   48. God is Unavailable Right Now. Can I Help You?
   49. When Lip Service to Some Mysterious Deity Permits Bestiality on
       Wednesday and Absolution on Sundays, Cash Me Out. Frank Sinatra.
   50. No Gods. No Mullets.

My favorites are starred.