Top Fifty Atheist T-Shirt and Bumper Sticker Aphorisms

Top Fifty Atheist T-Shirt and Bumper Sticker Aphorisms

tags: atheism, religion, science, evolution, humor

A reader sent me this list of atheist-positive anecdotes that have been seen either on a bumper sticker or a t-shirt. Of course, they are accurate as well as hilarious. Which ones are your favorites?

Top Fifty Atheist T-Shirt and Bumper Sticker Aphorisms

    1. Abstinence Makes the Church Grow Fondlers
    2. Honk If Your Religious Beliefs Make You An Asshole
    3. Intelligent Design Makes My Monkey Cry
    4. Too Stupid to Understand Science? Try Religion.
    5. *There’s A REASON Why Atheists Don’t Fly Planes Into Buildings
    6. “Worship Me or I Will Torture You Forever. Have a Nice Day.” God.
    7. *God Doesn’t Kill People. People Who Believe in God Kill People.
    8. If There is No God, Then What Makes the Next Kleenex Pop Up?
    9. He’s Dead.
      It’s Been 2,000 years.
      He’s Not Coming Back.
      Get OVER It Already!
    10. *All religion is simply evolved out of fraud, fear, greed, imagination, and poetry. Edgar Allen Poe.
    11. Viva La Evolución!
    12. Actually, If You Look It Up, The Winter Solstice Is The Reason For The Season
    13. I Wouldn’t Trust Your God Even If He Did Exist
    14. Cheeses Is Lard. Argue With THAT If You Can.
    15. *People Who Don’t Want Their Beliefs Laughed at Shouldn’t Have Such Funny Beliefs
    16. Jesus is Coming? Don’t Swallow That.
    17. Threatening Children With Hell Is FUN!
    18. GOD – APPLY DIRECTLY TO FOREHEAD!
    19. Jesus Told Me Republicans SUCK
    20. *God + Whacky Tobacky = Platypus
    21. God Doesn’t Exist. So, I Guess That Means No One Loves You.
    22. When the Rapture Comes, We’ll Get Our Country Back!
    23. Q. How Do We Know the Holy Ghost Was Catholic?
      A. He Used the Rhythm Method Instead of a Condom.
    24. You Say “Heretic” Like It Was a BAD Thing
    25. I Love Christians. They Taste Like Chicken.
    26. *Science: It Works, Bitches.
    27. “Intelligent Design” Helping Stupid People Feel Smart Since 1987
    28. I Found God Between The Sheets
    29. I Gave Up Superstitious Mumbo Jumbo For Lent
    30. My Flying Monkey Can Beat Up Your Guardian Angel
    31. Every Time You Play With Yourself, God Kills a Kitten
    32. *If God Wanted People to Believe in Him, Then Why Did He Invent Logic?
    33. Praying Is Politically Correct Schizophrenia
    34. *ALL Americans Are African Americans
    35. *I Forget – Which Day Did God Make All The Fossils?
    36. I Was An Atheist Until The Hindus Convinced Me That I Was God
    37. The Spanish Inquisition: The Original Faith-based Initiative
    38. *If we were made in his image, when why aren’t humans invisible too?
    39. *JESUS SAVES….You From Thinking For Yourself
    40. *How Can You Disbelieve in Evolution If You Can’t Even Define It?
    41. *Q. How Can You Tell That Your God is Man-made?
      A. If He Hates All the Same People You Do.
    42. Every Time You See a Rainbow, God is Having Gay Sex
    43. I Went to Public School in Kansas and All I Got Was This Lousy T-shirt and a Poor Understanding of the Scientific Method.
    44. WWJD = We Won. Jesus Died.
    45. The Family That Prays Together is Brainwashing the Children
    46. Oh, Look, Honey Another Pro-lifer For War
    47. *Another Godless Atheist for Peace and World Harmony
    48. God is Unavailable Right Now. Can I Help You?
    49. When Lip Service to Some Mysterious Deity Permits Bestiality on
      Wednesday and Absolution on Sundays, Cash Me Out. Frank Sinatra.
    50. No Gods. No Mullets.

My favorites are starred.


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